Monday, November 23, 2009

E.M.O.T.I.O.N.A.L roller coaster (release me from myself)

I remember I once condemned all women who connect their obscene attitude to hormonal issues. Its kind of funny though, because this week i do all (nagging, crying, sulking, shouting, fighting, bitching and grumping) but pleasant things and blame it on HORMONES! Hate to admit but deep inside me i agree with all those saying that never trust woman's judgement, we are doomed to think with our hormones.
Today as lousy as my day gets, i checked my calendar for any sign of my period cycle coming through, but i already have it last week, so it couldn't possibly because of PMS that i feeling this way. Terrified, i make a mental note on other possible issues that may lead to this emotional roller-coasters.
1. PMS - had it last week.
2. Weather - what? what am i? banana tree?
3. H1N1 - never heard H1N1 could end you up in emotional imbalance

God, these are craps, i think we woman are bound to continuously dragging our feeling, which means if we feel blue today, we probably will feel blue for the whole week. And what weird is we only drag the bad feeling, i never experience feeling happy today, and feel happy for the whole freaking week! Study back the occasion, i think this bad feeling started from last week. must be the train ride, i took a train one evening back from work, and out of sudden all the beads on my handbag's string just came off, and scattered all over the train. I was so tired, and worn off from work, and utmost feeling embarrassed, so i just ignore it, but some people were so concerned, they help themselves on their feet and start collecting the beads! I don't know we Malaysian can be so helpful. Well, I DON'T NEED IT. I just feel embarrassed and hope that people will just assumed that nothing happen, like we Malaysian always do facing crisis. When i reached my station, called Mr.Boyfriend, got in the car and cried. I don't understand either why i cried. Maybe HORMONES.
So, being concerned, Mr.Boyfriend asked me, whats wrong. So i told him the whole story including the fact that now i'm telling him i feel it so stupid to cry for a small matter. and for a second his answer just startled me, he said, "Are you crying because you feel embarrassed people think that you using cheap stuff?", goodness gracious, i couldn't breath, please just shoot me rather than let me answer it. Cheap stuff or not, it doesn't matter. Its the whole image that i carry on...(really?!!?, deep down i do think its the main reason), but as a MODERN GIRL, i do what a normal things to do, DENIAL. I told him, no i don't feel embarrassed because of that, goodness no! with face full of disgust that he even thinking it (just to convince him that its not the main reason). i told him, i like to be in compose, so when my things won't work the way it should, i feel embarrassed. (what a denial).
Then it started, all the lousy feeling, feeling down and sad, insecure, crying for no reasons. Making my whole week like hell. So today i make a term on it, i have to stop it today before it started to affect someone else life too. And the first step is to make a confession to Mr.Boyfriend about the train incident on why i feel embarrassed.
That should solve it, i guess.

later days...
~~ embracing happiness.. :) ~~

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