Saturday, September 26, 2009

Birthday Issues!!!!!

"Me And My Heart We Got Issues,
Don't Know If I Should Hate You Or Miss You,
Damn I Wish That I Could Resist You
Can't Decide If I Should Slap You Or Kiss You..."

Mr boyfriend asks me today what do i want for my birthday. I would jump to the ceiling if anyone ever asked me about it ten years back when i were 17, now when i reached 27, birthday is like pretty normal, i don't feel the excitement anymore. kind of scary though, thinking that now i am 27, and there are so much things that i haven't do. and the clock is ticking...tick tick tick...goodness creepy.
Had conversation last night with my eldest daughter, sharp at 1200a.m i told her, "its my birthday! Gimme a hug and sing me a song!" and she said, " i did that already on mother's day, how many times you want to be celebrated?!!", i almost choke to death hearing that! But true, there are too many celebration nowadays and birthday is like pretty lame. (sadly.....).So, before i fell asleep last night, quietly closed my eyes wish that i will return to the time where birthday is so grand and everyone make it an important day for you. Hmmm how i wish.
This morning, i texted Mr.Boyfriend again and said i figured out what i want. I think rather than waiting for him to surprise me with his SURPRISED (that i am sure going to really surprise me), i just tell him what i want and be happy. Safe the arguments, dissapointments and MOST importantly, i get what i want.
Now that half of the day is passed, sitting in the office, on my birthday, i silently thank GOD, for all the things that i have been through all my life, through thick and thin, some shits some golds, it roughen me up, shapes me to a better angle. And even i think i haven't do anything and i am 27 at this moment, i think i can be proud of myself, i have two daughters, beautiful and smart, i can say "no" to people now without feeling guilty about it (if you are me, you know how hard it is to do), and i found the man that i can truly love without wanting to cheat on him. (thanks Mr.Boyfriend), so my birthday, for 27 years I've been here, there are lots of words i can describe it, but LAME is not one of it.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

~ ~ fool in love ~ ~

What is it like to fall in love. it the funny feeling on my tummy?
its like something flying inside (now i understand why they say butterfly in your stomach), the way its churning.urghhhh difficult.

2.or maybe the way i smile myself stupid everytime i think of him.
today while i skyped him, there is this stupid smile plastered all over my face and when i realized about it, i feel so embarrased even to myself, why am i smiling like that, its so goofy.errrr...crazy.

3.the way my heart beating when i see him, receive his calls or texts.
its like im having a nervous breakdown, im breathless and sweating and keep on looking at mirror to check on myself (it just sms, he cant even see me) and make this cute face on mirror so he will think im cute. goodness....

4.Start to learn new language
oh yeah and its afrikaans, i even try to pronouns it either, i think in another two months my tongue will tied up in a weird way.

5.Be good to other feline
i hate cat, and they hate me. but he loves them.
ahhh it just cat, i can try to love them, (what about the fur?!??) dont mind about it, it will not kill me, havent i heard the saying tht things that cant kill you, will make you stronger?

All these new things inside me, they excite me, give me reasons to wake up in the morning and put stars on my eyes. So love, how stupid you are, how funny it seems or how weird i may look like because of u, thanks coz now i am better.